Wake Up With Lacy Schnoor 'Sochi Edition'

Lacy Schnoor - US Ski and Snowboard

Willy Wonka And Penguin From Batman Fucked And This Popped Out

We Need A Jucy Lucy Food Truck And We Needed It Yesterday

Had one today, its like a jelly donut but its a burger filled with cheese and bacon. One bite, came everywhere. Fuck the grilled cheese truck. Jucy Lucys for lyfe.

Barstool Confessions for the hope of us making it to the big time.

So in the hopes we get picked up for the big guys may as well throw a confession out there.

When I read on twitter Vernon Davis got tackled by his dick my first thought was that he tripped on it.

Wake Up With Hannah Teter 'Sochi Edition'

Hannah Teter - US Ski and Snowboard

LA Social Workers Strike.

First off don't get me wrong I'm not saying I don't want these kids to have a safe living environment this blog has nothing to do with them.  Just the assholes that are on strike instead of worrying about there well being.

People who strike are the absolute worst people in society.  So you picked a career that doesn't pay well and you feel like you are working to much?  Guess what you selfish pricks you knew what you were getting into when you accepted the job.  Your hand wasn't forced we aren't living in a world where you are born and your job is bestowed upon you like some Inuit tribe.

The only people who have a decent argument in these strikes are mine workers.  Can you think of a worse job then knowing a few of the guys you work with every year are going to die when a tunnel collapses or some crazy shit like that.  Those guys can strike all they want.

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-strike-numbers-20131205,0,3293003.story#axzz2mZofFOqQ

Girl accidentally swallows magnets...Yeah you read that right

"Just before Thanksgiving, 14-year-old Christin Rivas got six rare-earth magnets from a friend at church, thinking she could "freak out" her classmates by using them for tricks."

"I was going to the bathroom and I put them in my mouth because I didn't want to put them on the floor. I wasn't quite thinking. The kid on the other side said something that made me laugh and swallow them."

http://gma.yahoo.com/teen-rushed-surgery-swallowing-rare-earth-magnets-39-111329086--abc-news-health.html

When I saw this girl was 14 I spit out my magnets and I wasn't even drinking any.  Hey kid you ever hear of a pocket?  Like what do you do when you bring your phone into the bathroom put it in your mouth?  The biggest disappoint in this story is we don't know what the girl next to her said to make her laugh.

Really want rare earth magnets after reading this though, but only if they are really rare like Sandy Koufax rookie card rare.

L.A. Deputies Getting A Lot Less Fat

"That's how 20 Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputies came to spend 2 1/2 months competing to see who could lose the most weight by eating more healthful foods and exercising." la-me-ln-sheriffs-deputies-weight-loss

Watch out fugitives of the law. A few deputies in LA County lost weight for 2 1/2 months and they still look like fat fucks. Love the before and after of the guy waiting in line to give a high five. Like what happened? Your moobs got more defined? Rule number one of contests like this is you should be weighed again 2 1/2 months after the contest ends. I'll lose 10 pounds in the next two weeks if I you give me a steady diet of all the shitty wheatgrass Joe Torre can find me. But two weeks later I guarantee you I'm waiting in line along side these fat ass cops at an In n Out drive thru to get my double double on.  Animal style 4 lyfe.

Wake Up With Clair Bidez 'Sochi Edition'

Claire Bidez - US Ski and Snowboard

Because the Lakers suck this year.

I was two paragraphs into a blog about how the Lakers suck and how long will they be terrible for...blah blah blah...but lets be serious who gives a shit.  If you want to watch playoff basketball in LA this year better put on a CP3 jersey and start cheering for the team that should be a force for the next 5 years.  So why go to the Lakers you ask?  To sit court-side next to some of the hottest most powerful celebrities in the world thats why. So here is my top 5 list of people I would sit next to court-side at The Staples Center.

5. Maria Menounos

Thats right assholes.  Coming in at number 5 is the Greek Goddess of Ass Miss Maria Menounous.  Why you ask?  Well other than her being insanely sexy, and funny, there is the obvious fact that I am trying to suck up to my future boss factor. She's one of those few chicks who knows something about sports and is deserving whether you want to believe it or not but that prep school face screams I'm into some backdoor fun.  Your place or mine?

4. Jessica Alba

Need I say more?  Don't be one of those dickheads who says she isn't hot anymore.  The best thing about #4 and #5 are you wouldn't have to watch the game at all and you would still be entertained.  Are you kidding me those two choices?  How could it get any better?

3. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

           

Stop the Fight! Stop the Fight!  A little Selena Sandwich with me and the Bieber?  Don't mind if I do.  Hell I would even dress like the Biebs if we could all be one big happy family.


2. Leonardo Decaprio and Bar Rafaeli

Just imagine this conversation at work.  "Hey Tommy what are you up to tonight?"  Oh nothing just going to the Lakers game with ol' Gatsby and former #1 on Maxim's Hot 100 list.


1.  Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

(Maybe the reason JIF was invented)

Did you see those eyes?  This blog took over two hours to write because I didn't realize what was happening until my computer died and Justin and I lost eye contact.  Biel is still one of the hottest players in the game.  As for that Timberlake guy he crushes celebrity basketball games.  He can sing, dance, act his face off which is what we call a "Triple Threat" here in Hollywood.  Oh and did you forget beer is his best friend?   (Fuck Joe Buck)