No One Is Having Sex In LA.

The Women Of LA. Been around for a while, but its spot on. 

Pauly Shore, Mr. Belding and Jaleel White for life.

LA Kings Anthem

Imagine this. You get the following musicians together to perform a song for your team. David Spreng (drummer/producer - The Bravery, Bob Dylan), Piggy D (bass - Rob Zombie, Alice Cooper), Dave Pino (guitar - Andrew WK) and some guy named Grant Arnow to bring it all together.  How the fuck do you end up with this piece of shit song?

First Kings game of the year, I show up with the perfect buzz on and this is what I hear. No way is a professional sports team playing this as there "Anthem". Unbelievable. This is what the LA Kings - the last team to really win a Stanley Cup (lock-out seasons don't count) - are going to play to get their team and fans going? Who's 10 year old daughter thought this was a good idea?  

"We are united, we're undivided" Sounds like a chant from a bunch of feminists outside of the Barstool headquarters.

"In any weather a kings a king forever"  Yup any weather as long as its 70 and partly cloudy.  

Pretty sure they just got Ludacris's writers from 2006 and said "We love what you did when you threw out this gem - "I stroke so good, like Tiger Woods, and I roar like a tiger would" -we need something as good as that!"

When we look back at the end of the season and wonder why we had a better road record this is the reason.  Write it down.


P.S. Stick to the South Park Cartman "Go Kings Go!" - its been working for us.

Cartman "Go Kings Go!"

Mike Richards' Take On The 2014 Coors Light NHL Stadium Series

"This is almost going to be like playing hockey outside in the summertime in Kenora because that’s almost what the temperature would be," Richards told NHL.com. "Maybe a little bit cooler. It’ll be unique." http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=691766

Umm… Really on top of it Mike. It will almost be like you are playing hockey outside in the summertime? Actually, it will be exactly like you are playing hockey outside in the summertime because in LA it's always summer. It may be cool to have palm trees and sand and shit, but I can almost guarantee that this thing will not sell out and the atmosphere will be absolutely terrible. Dodgers stadium sucks and it is all the way in east bum fuck with no bar in sight. The crowd will be everything but electric because nobody in LA knows what hockey is or what ice is. Fuck Dodgers stadium. Have the game right in the middle of the Venice beach boardwalk. Right in front of Muscle beach to be exact. Now that will be a great time.  

All the guys look real natural out there on the field in their sweaters. Doughty, Carter and “Pancakes” Penner just remembering the good old days. 

Jeff Carter and his girlfriend to finish this one off.  

L.A. Central Library As Hotspot For Fucking

"The LAPD recently cracked down on folks getting down at the library over the past year. With 14 undercover sting operations under their belts and officers patrolling the library grounds, the LAPD has arrested nine people for lewd acts."  cruising_for_sex_website_rates_la

Yeah I fucked here once or twice. I joined the fucking book club. The LAPD is not sure why people are focusing on bathrooms at the library for a place to fuck. Well I know why, because nobody goes to the library anymore which makes it the perfect place to go and fuck. Libraries are dead. Libraries have been dead for a long time now. There is absolutely no privacy at local parks or local public restrooms in LA, there are homeless people everywhere. This place has 8 floors with bathrooms on every god damn floor. 4 of the floors are underground. 2 stalls in every bathroom, all of which have reflective tiles floor to ceiling. You can see everything while you are fucking it up in there. If my math is correct that is 32 sex stalls. Libraries! The new place to fuck. And it is free.

Tips4Jesus - Some Dude Leaving $10K Tips For No Reason

"Adding up all the tips posted so far, Tips4jesus has handed out over $54,000 to servers across the country in establishments including Tio's Mexican Cafe in Ann Arbor, the Paris Club in Chicago and the Hungry Cat in Los Angeles." anonymous-tips4jesus-giving-up-to-10k-tips-in-bars-across-us

The Hungry Cat. Tips4Jesus hits up LA and goes to The Hungry Cat. One bite, score. The Hungry Cat is an expensive fucking seafood restaurant. Do you think Tips4Jesus ever asked himself WWJD (What Would Jesus Do)? No, because if he did he would be going to places like Norms, McDonald's, Carl's Junior and Jack In The Box. Places where the employees never get any tips and are as poor as shit. The fuckers who work serving tables at places like The Hungry Cat in Hollywood are wannabe actors and actresses who do not deserve a $10K tip. El hombre working at In and Out at 3am deserves the $10K tip. Tips4Jesus you are doing it all wrong. Get your god damn act together.

I always start my blogs by asking WWJB.